People always say that it is not the destination, but the journey that is the most important thing. They say that the journey is everything. Every one of us has his or her own; a journey to call our own. Things that happened; people that they met; things that they did; sins that they committed; feelings that they felt; choices that they made; all of these form a one big puzzle- the journey.
A Journey can be a short one or something that lasts a lifetime. It all depends on how lucky you are. As for me, I have reached part of my journey. And I hope I still have a long journey because if it is not, then I will be dead tomorrow. What I want to tell you here is not how or what happened along my first 12 years journey, but rather the things that I am fortunate enough to remember in my head. These are the things that are wrapped up in layers of feelings, emotions and of course the very cells of my brain. This journey is responsible for me being here today.
The first five years of my life are the most difficult to recall. I would have to try my very best because you cannot really remember the things so early in life because you are still a little baby yourself; just arrived in the world full of promises and still learning and growing. It is said these years are the most essential years of your life because they are where your whole life and personality, You, are made. And you can never change the you that are formed then. With the help of my mother, the one true Queen of my heart, I might just get the journey right, I hope.
I was born early the morning of December 1st 1977 at 9.55am. I was born as the baby of the family because I was the last one to be part of the family. In fact, mom said I was the biggest of them all at eight pounds plus! I was born at the Malacca General Hospital before they brought me back to my first place to call home, at Tranquerah Road in downtown Malacca. (231,Tranquerah Road). From this moment, I would call this my home until we shifted to another place when I was five. I was barely a month old when I celebrated my first Christmas! Guess I was the gift, the best gift for Christmas that year!
From my old pictures as a baby, I would agree that I was a damn cute baby. I am sure every one would agree to that, haha. I was now on infant formula, S-26. Formula milk powder had become a regular thing during that time. I guess I suffered my first diarrhea when I was barely a year old. On top of it, my mom was not with me when that happened because she and the rest of the family went on a trip to Cameron Highlands. I was considered too young to be traveling to such high and cold places. I think my aunty Lay Seong, who was just 12 years old, took care of me; good care of me. I survived. There is a photograph of mom carrying me after they came back from the trip. I looked as pale as a ghost from the dehydration and all. That was about all I could remember during my first months (with mom’s help, of course!).
Before you knew it, I was growing fast. By the time I was two, you can tell that I have a gift no other child in the family had, curly hairs and yeah, also a specially crafted eyebrows that curled at the sides! My oh my, was I special or what? And if you look a little harder, you can also see that my left eye was not the same as the right. There was a defect and I did not realize it till much later in the journey. Oh yes, my great grandmother topped it all for me with a nickname in Hokkien, my mother tongue; ‘kiew-meng’ which simply means curly hair!
I would like now to tell you a little bit about the rest of my family. My mom was and still is a housewife, the perfect housewife. My dad worked as a Salesman when I was born. My sister, Penny, was six years older than me. My brothers, Steven and Ivan, were five and two when I was born. All of us were good kids. We were blessed with decent childhoods. You could say we got pretty good deals with our early lives considering some others who had it worst.
My first few years were not without adventures. My mom recalled I was born with two front green teeth! Yes, Green! When I was born, the doctors said that my white blood count was too high and because of that, I only got to be in my mother’s arms the next day. Poor me, luckily it was not something untreatable.
My family and I travel quite a bit. I’d been to places like Batu Caves, Genting Highlands and even Singapore before I was old enough to go to school. I could not really remember much from the trips. Just that I have pictures to show for them. Oh yeah, by now, my hair looked like a small round bush on top of my head! I bet birds could make their nests out of them!
Before I knew it, I was old enough for school. Mom enrolled me in a Buddhist temple kindergarten; the Sek Kiah Eenh Kindergarten in Gajah Berang Road. There were few things that happened there during my first year of school that I can still remember vividly in my mind. Oh, another thing was, we had just shifted to a new home in the outskirts, in Bukit Baru township. I think it was before Chinese New Year 1982. I still remember the times when we visited the new house, a two-storey terrace house; during the early days to paint and clear and wash the house. We had to use a big lorry from the company that my father worked in, Sanyo Sales and Service Sdn Bhd, to shift all our belongings there. It was so nice to move to a new house plus starting school and all. This would prove to be a new chapter in my young life.
Kindergarten was not without events. I still remember the times where parents, especially mothers, would be staring inside the class from outside so that their children would not cry and want to go home. I still remember the art classes, music and dancing sessions, the Chinese language classes and also play time. We got to play with Legos and Duplos, building blocks of inventions from our young minds. I remembered there was a time when we saw a snake outside the classroom in the bush by the drain. I was not even afraid! Well, after all, I was born in the year of the Snake. I also recalled about the times when I was too afraid to slide down the slides in the playground. I wasn’t afraid of heights or anything. I just couldn’t gain enough courage to slide down from all the way up there. Anyway, I was a small child, you see. So the slide must be like twenty feet high to me! Sometimes, I would be brave enough to climb all the way up the stairs, but then finally climb back down shaking… Well these were my early experiences at the playground.
Every Wednesday, we would all go inside the temple to pray with the monks. I could still remember a monk who is still there until today. We would eat our brunch at a canteen during the short recess. I could still remember the times where the teacher would bring us all to the toilet at the same time to take a leak. If you can picture a row of boys peeing on the floor, well, that is how we looked like. Glad to say I was toilet-trained at an early age!
Mom would be the one that send me all the way down to school. We would sometimes use the new Ford Laser 1.3 and I would sit in front of the car with the seat belt almost choking me! Nevertheless, I like the car. It was new and powerful, white in colour and looked superb. After school, mom would come and fetch me and I would have to wait for my sister and brothers for a few hours, usually by hanging out at the canteen where my second aunty, ‘mimik’ worked. There, I experienced my first bullies. Luckily my mom was there as my protector. Bravo to my mom.
Before long, a year had passed and it was graduation time. It was a big occasion for me because I was the first boy in the class! What a little genius! Haha… I would receive up to three prizes plus a certificate to prove that I had succeeded in kindergarten and was now ready for primary school. There was even a concert where I took part as one of the ten little Indian boys. Of course I was the first Indian boy since I was the smallest. I was dressed up my best in a shirt and long pants. Too bad the role required me to be in shorts! Luckily mom found another mother who was willing to loan me her boy’s short pants. I was changed right in front of everybody, for all to see. Of course as a boy, you would not be embarrassed at all. I could run around town naked for all I care! Anyway, I received my prizes, certificate and performed well. What a superb ending to my first year of school!
During the holidays, I was entered in a fashion show, more of a costume contest. Guess what I was dressed at? A beggar! Ha ha ha! Mom was so creative and decided that the beggar would be the easiest costume to make. I was dressed in pajamas patched with rags all over, carrying a bag while positioning my hand in a begging manner. Well, I did it again! It was fun! There were all types of costumes from jungle boy to tissue paper girl. What a night to remember. That night, I whink I wore my first underwear. A white brief passed down from my cousin, Way Soong. I felt like a Big Boy! I think that is why till now I am into white underwear.
I did enroll in a piano and organ class; or was it a free lesson I got? But after only one lesson, the second lesson did not come and the rest was history. I think I felt I had no interest in sitting around in a room full of strangers and playing ‘do..re..mi’ when I could be playing and running around in my house. Or was it just short attention-span? This was the time before Ritalin! I think it would be nice if I had stayed on and pick up the piano. I would love to be able to play the melodies in my head on a piano. I just got confirmation from mom that it was only a free lesson I got from my kindergarten. Hahaha. Like I said, the rest is history!
I was going to turn six tomorrow! My mom and dad had decided to throw a Big Birthday Party for me; my first party. I was so excited. Everybody came; my cousins, aunties, uncles and also my great grandmother, tai ma. We had so much food! Everything from sate to sandwiches and jellies were served! My favorites! Best of all, I got so many presents! A toy train, toy cars, ‘ang pows’, anything for a six- year-old boy. My eldest brother whom I admired so much even wore the same t-shirt; a blue-striped collared Archer t-shirt. I remembered I was so excited I could not eat much and felt like vomiting. But I didn’t.
The birthday cake was awesome. It was shaped as a giant book with laced ribbons and decorative roses. I recalled my aunty Lay Seong mentioned something about a book-shaped cake a few weeks before. She asked me to tell my parents to get it for me during my birthday. I did not dare to ask. Miraculously, I was now standing in front of a dream birthday cake. It was time to blow the candles, six small candles. The candles that represented how long I’d been in this world. Excitement was in the air. Mom lite the candles with a match. “Whoosh…” the flame was blown away. Mom held a knife in my hand to cut the cake. That was my first ever birthday party. I was the happiest boy in the world! I did not know that that would be my happiest day of my life ever. I missed that little confident, cute and curly-haired boy. It will always be buried deep in my heart. I always became that cute, curly-haired boy again whenever someone or something made me cry. I missed you so much, my buddy.
The year was 1986. I had just turned eight about a month ago. My Year Three classroom was in the school hall. I think the school didn’t have enough classrooms. My closest friends were still Kenny Ho, Tan Tai Seng, Ng Seet Woo, Musfizan Mustapha and Liang Kian Hui. I recalled that Liang Kian Hui left us because his father was transferred to the capital city, Kuala Lumpur; if my memories served me right.
I was getting pretty chubby when I was in Year Three. My head looks bigger too. My nickname was “Big Head” ! Life was still simple and fun. I still remembered especially the music lessons we had. We learned to play the recorder; a blowing instrument. It was fun!
I think I am ready to reveal more about my father. He had a mistress in Johor Bahru ever since I was 6 years old. You see, I slept in my parents’ room until I was like 14 years old! Therefore, I heard a lot of things I shouldn’t have. I used to blame myself for all the quarrels and arguments my parents had. I blamed myself for disturbing their intimate moments. I blamed myself for getting sick and therefore mother had to put me to sleep thus preventing her from sleeping with my dad. Basically, I blamed myself for destroying their marriage. I put myself in the position of “intruder” or something like it. Every time I had a problem, there would be arguments.
I remembered once when I was about six. My parents actually argued until they were talking about getting a divorce! I was suffering from diarrhea that night. I blamed me again for getting sick. My great Grandma and my second aunty and uncle were called late at night because of the big quarrel and at that time, I felt like everything was going wrong because of me! I know it doesn’t make sense but I was still a child. What did I know? All I knew was my parents are getting separated and I was to be blamed.
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